By Dan Savage - Sep. 26, 2024

Official portrait of former U.S. Representative George Santos. Courtesy: Wikipedia

I’m a gay man in his early 30s who’s into sex stripped down to its most basic elements: tops come in, fuck me, cum and go. I’ve moved to a new city. One guy in his mid-20s came over and we had awkward-but-passionate sex. I went to his apartment to see him a week later, and we did it again. It was hot; we have chemistry. Turns out, he’s also new in town. He’s from a conservative part of the country and says I’m the second man he’s ever had sex with. He’s got a lot of things I look for in romantic partners: smart, cute, soft-spoken, driven and into his job. The bad part: While he’s fairly apolitical, he says he will “probably” vote for Trump.

While there are certainly plenty of gay conservatives, I feel like he’s someone who hasn’t seriously given a lot of thought to politics outside of his strong belief in free enterprise. You said once not to fuck Republicans, because they should go fuck themselves. But I feel like there might be something here I can draw out of him. The sex is good, and I like the idea of fixing him. What to do?

— Aroused Slut Sees Ultimate Potential

For decades, ASSUP, I have urged sane gay men not to fuck gay Republicans, but in 2015 I singled out one gay Republican in particular that I didn’t want other gay men fucking: Tim Miller, former campaign staffer for John McCain, former spokesman for the Republican National Committee, and at the time of my tweet, communications director for Jeb Bush. Seeing as Tim is no longer a Republican (but still a gay man), and seeing as my position on fucking gay Republicans hasn’t changed (just say no), I thought Tim might be able to offer you an unbiased answer. Despite my having urged other gay men not to suck Tim’s dick (without effect, it seems), Tim graciously agreed to weigh in. His response follows.

“Yo ASSUP.

As a former Republican who Dan once tried to cockblock on account of his political views — unsuccessfully, I might add (very unsuccessfully) — I appreciate where your head is. Your instinct is downright humanitarian. It’s in line with the message Barack Obama delivered at the DNC convention. No, not the dick joke, the part where he said, ‘Everyone deserves a chance, and even when we don’t agree with each other, we can find a way to live with each other.’ And here you are giving this middle manager a chance to live in you! It’s a beautiful instinct really. Who knows, with your vice grip on his dick, maybe this young gay conservative might blossom into a coconut-pilled podcast host who eviscerates any MAGA moron that dares cross his path like yours truly.

On the other hand...

It’s 2024, not 2014. Donald Trump attempted an insurrection. He’s currently advancing a racist conspiracy about Black immigrants abducting and eating house pets. He is a worthless shart stain with no redeeming qualities or virtues, and that’s been abundantly clear to anyone with a brain for at least nine years now. Being for Trump at this point ... it’s not exactly the same as just mindlessly supporting Tom Tillis. It’s an act of active malice or supreme stupidity.

So, like you, ASSUP, I’m torn. Not a great quality in an advice columnist. But unfortunately for you, Dan passed your question off to a substitute. 

I guess my ruling comes down to a practical calculation. If he lives in a swing state, hold your hole hostage until he pledges to support Kamala. We can’t fuck around with so much on the line. If he doesn’t live in a swing state, well, give it a few more whirls, at least until he reveals himself to be intentionally awful. Who knows what could happen, right? After all, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Maybe your hole has the change he seeks.” — Tim Miller

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