My girlfriend and I started to do butt play (her butt) about two months ago. Two weeks ago, shortly after anal sex, she caught a really bad flu (confirmed by a medical test). After her symptoms finally passed, we waited about a week, and then we were back to business, though this time with just the butt plug. A day later, her fever and fatigue were back.

Everyone’s talking these days about the importance of the body’s natural biome and healthy bacteria. I know that gut bacteria are obviously deeper in the intestine, but I’d imagine there’s got to be some “good bugs” in the ass, too, right? Basically, I’m wondering if she’s just been having a spate of bad luck with some coincidental timing, or if shoving stuff up your butt can actually weaken or damage your biome and kill your healthy bacteria.

She doesn’t use any chemical anal douches or anything (just shower water, thoroughly applied by hand), the butt plug is silicone (washed with soap and water), we use Sliquid Sassy (a water-based lube), we never go A-to-V, and there’s no evidence we’re doing things too rough (i.e., some moderate soreness the day after but no blood).

— Biology Upends Naughty Shenanigans

Your girlfriend’s gastrointestinal tract is 30 feet long — so, unless you’re hung like three consecutive horses and/or you’re shopping for butt plugs in the “you’ve got to be kidding me” aisle of the sex shop, BUNS, you’re only playing with the last 6-10 inches. And the bacteria in your girlfriend’s rectum (good witch bacteria, bad witch bacteria) are on their way out, BUNS, not up, and douching and anal play can only hasten their departure. 

I would chalk your girlfriend’s recent post-anal-play illnesses up to coincidence.

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I've been a bottom since my youth. Sadly, my youth is long gone, and I can't be bothered anymore, so these days I often end up topping by default. 

I am very bad at it. It takes an act of God to get me hard enough to get inside, and once I am inside, I cum in seconds. What can I do solo to train myself to be slightly less useless at this?

— Often Limp Dude

I posted your question to last month’s Struggle Session — where I respond to comments and invite my readers to give advice — and Jonathan, one of our superstar commenters, had some great advice for you: Men of all ages can bottom, ED meds can help you get hard when you wanna top, and condoms can help you last longer by decreasing sensitivity. “It's also not fair to have bottoms go through their prep [if OLD knows he’s likely to fail],” Jonathan added. 

My two cents: Consider investing in some high-quality silicone dildos, plugs in different shapes and sizes and a comfortable harness. Having the freedom to switch back and forth between your dick and your growing collection of toys will take the pressure off your dick, OLD. 

Lots of gay men enjoy toys and a not insignificant number of gay men actually prefer them. Succeeding with toys — instead of failing with dick — will do wonders for your confidence.

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Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. Read more Savage Love.

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