By Dan Savage - Jan. 30, 2025

1. When and how do I bring up when a stranger smells bad when meeting for a hookup?

Before you ask them to shower — assuming you want them to stay — or after you tell them to leave if they ask for a reason and you feel safe sharing the real reason.

2. Is using a dating app cheating?

A single person wouldn’t be asking me this question — for obvious reasons (no one to cheat on) — which means you’re not single. And if your partner was a stag or a cuck or your relationship was open and you were allowed to be on the apps, you wouldn’t be asking me this question. So, in your case, using a dating app is definitely cheating.

3. Could you explain why a 30-year-old man wanting to sleep with 16-year-old girls is NEVER OK to my idiot 30-year-old friend, please.

There’s a big difference between “wanting to” and “actually would.” Lots of people, men and women (but mostly men), wanna do things they shouldn’t do (because they’re wrong) and hopefully wouldn’t do (because they’re wrong), and decent people know to keep their mouths shut about things they might think about doing but know they shouldn’t. So, if this 30-year-old man can’t keep these thoughts about wanting to sleep with 16-year-old girls to himself — if he insists on sharing them — then he’s not a decent guy, and you shouldn’t be his friend.

4. How do you support a partner with erectile dysfunction when you’re deeply frustrated that sex is now entirely about saving his precious erection?

The most supportive possible thing you could do is say, “Hey, we’re gonna have sex tonight without you even taking your cock out of your pants. We’re going to use fingers and tongues and toys and vibrators and strap-ons. That will put all the focus on my pleasure for a change — which is only fair — but it will also take the pressure off you.” 

He might react negatively at first, but hold your ground. And if he can get hard and get himself off with his own hand or one of your vibrators, he’ll come to appreciate nights when everything doesn’t depend on his precious erection.

5. How does one get a prolapsed asshole?

Practice, practice, practice.

6. How do I turn off my newborn mom brain long enough to relax and have some good orgasms?

Keep your vibrator within easy reach — set it on your nightstand while you still can (soon you won’t be able to leave your sex toys laying around) — and you’ll be a lot likelier to pick it up and use it if the mood strikes. You’re going to be exhausted for a while, and not having to get out of bed to get your vibrator out of your dresser or even having to lean out of bed to get your vibrator out of the drawer of your nightstand could make all the difference. 

Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. Read more Savage Love

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