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СпутникиРНSpaceXРоскосмосNASAconsolecadet:
Can I just complain about Merrells for a second? I grew up wearing these awful shoes, surrounded by people who also wore them, and I hate how they look so much that I have to share my feelings.These are Merrells. They are the plainest imaginable shoe.They come in a variety of colors, including brown (above), brown (below), tan, and, for the truly edgy, black.The children’s version also comes in an additional adventurous and playful color: navy blue.There are 3 upper material options: suede, nubuck, and dull, pre-scuffed leather. They already look old when you get them, and not in a fashionable, distressed way. Don’t tell me these are practical, or that they would be “good for hiking.” They’re suede. Have you tried to keep suede clean? What kind of monster are you?These shoes. These shoes are so lumpen, so featureless. They are just the shape of a foot, covered with leather. You know when you were a kid and you didn’t know how to draw very well, so when you got to the feet of a person you were drawing, you’d draw two ovals and fill them in with black scribbles? You didn’t know it at the time, but you were drawing Merrells.Now, I get it. Merrells are comfortable. They come in wide sizes, and they slip on, which is handy if you have mobility issues or just don’t like bending over. They have passable arch support.However. A pair of these shapeless babies will run you $80-110 new, $130 if you opt for the waterproof model. For $80-110, there are plenty of shoe options that come in wide sizes, slip on, have good arch support, and don’t make your foot look like a 2000s Ford Taurus waiting forlornly in the used car lot for a buyer who will never come. There are cuter shoes in orthopedic specialty stores. There’s more personality in the bottom of a single Dansko’s ergonomic little left heel than in an entire pair of Merrells.These are the shoes you wear if you think of yourself as outdoorsy but never go outside. These are the shoes you wear when a dad sneaker is too much of a fashion risk for you. These are the shoes Stephenie Meyer would describe as sexy with a full length khaki skirt.I will admit it: they are gender neutral. They do have that going for them. They will allow you to dress like a homeschooler at a hackathon without worrying about compromising your androgynous aesthetic. They do pair perfectly with a pair of zip-off cargo pants. But if you, like me, care about how you look but still desperately need an elastic gusset in your shoes, please do not buy Merrells. Make like any self-respecting gay person and get yourself a pair of Chelsea boots.
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