By Dan Savage - Mar. 6, 2025

My boyfriend, who is a 72-year-old man, wants to give our personal trainer (who is younger and hotter than me) an expensive piece of jewelry. I felt jealous and insecure when he brought this up, and I voiced my concerns to her. She told me that she sees the gift as a token of friendship and nothing more.

My boyfriend is a multimillionaire many times over. Maybe I don’t understand how rich people give gifts, as I’m not “from” money, but it seems strange. 

— Girlfriendly Instinct Flagging This 

This man is not your husband, he’s your boyfriend; his millions are not your millions, they’re his millions. I can certainly see why thinking about this gift makes you uncomfortable, GIFT, but I don’t see an upside for you in trying to talk your boyfriend out of this. 

While personal trainers sometimes ingratiate themselves to clients by engaging in a little harmless flirtation, very few personal trainers actually wanna fuck their clients — especially their elderly and/or monogamously partnered clients. So, while your boyfriend may get a little thrill out of giving this woman a piece of jewelry, she almost certainly regards this gift — a gift that, again, was already promised to her — as a very generous tip from a very well-off client she doesn’t wanna see naked. 

Would it be inappropriate to introduce my girlfriend to the kink/swinger scene if I plan to break up with her? I've been unhappy for a decade, but I’ve been able to fake the funk until pretty recently. Now, the lack of sex is making her unhappy. 

I'm considering joining a kink/swinger club to satisfy her needs while I'm unable. I'm honestly turned on by the idea of watching her with someone else, but she worries that the reality of seeing her with someone else will be too much. If I do get her to join the kink/swinger club and break up with her six months later, she'll assume I broke up with her because seeing her with someone else broke me somehow. 

The real reason we are still together is that our child — legally her child (and now legally an adult) — is in a special program preparing him to live independently. I'm also working to pay off the credit card debt she built up over the years so she can actually afford to live on her own. The plan is to have her debt paid off by the time he graduates and then ask her to move out. 

In the meantime, I'd like her to be sexually satisfied. While I'm no longer attracted to her, I want the best for her. 

— Long Over And Done 

It always sucks to get dumped, of course, and the realization your ex was planning to dump you for months or years can add to the humiliation and pain. But no one wants to get dumped at the worst possible time. An ex who held off until the blow would be a little less devastating did us a favor, even if it’s hard to admit.  

Making sure your girlfriend’s debt is paid off and that her son (your son) gets the best possible start before you end things is absolutely the right thing to do, but I’m not convinced the kink/swinger club proposal is coming from the same altruistic place. If you think convincing her to attend a kink/swinger club with you might actually revive your sex life, it’s still a somewhat/semi-noble goal, and I will allow it. 

Email your question for the column to [email protected] or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan. Read more Savage Love

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