Dear Abby: What are we going to do without you?

Dear readers, it is with great sadness that I must share that this will be my last time authoring the Ask Abby column for The Daily Free Press. But do not worry and do not fret — we still have one more story to go.

And the good thing is? You guys already know everything. 

I picked up this column during a not-so-great relationship because writing has always helped me unscramble my thoughts and feel seen.

But in the process of answering these questions, I figured out what I truly want from love and relationships. This column pushed me to learn about attraction, relationship expectations and what it means to love unconditionally.

Learning has been the heart of this column for me. Some questions stumped me — I’d never experienced them, or they were just plain complicated to talk about. But that pushed me to research, reflect and respond as honestly as I could.

As much as you guys learned from me, I learned from you. The more I’ve thought about it over the past three years, I couldn’t help but wonder, what are Ask Abby’s biggest takeaways?

It’s not really casual

Gen Z has built its dating agenda on keeping things casual, coining words like “situationship,” but what we’re really after is a deeper connection. 

It may feel hard to form meaningful relationships in college while everyone is chasing quick, off-handed fun. Yet many of us want something serious — we just fear committing to someone or looking foolish. I’ve learned that tiptoeing around real connections only keeps us from what’s right in front of us.

Never settle

This one’s easier said than done, but if I’ve learned anything from all the crazy questions I’ve answered over the years, it’s this: don’t settle.

Relationships will have rough patches — that’s normal. But never settle for someone who can’t match your love and effort. Anything less is setting yourself up for disappointment.

You will survive your breakup

Speaking as someone who’s gone through a college breakup and has seen friends go through the same, I can tell you loss feels devastating, but I promise it’s not the end of the world.

Love is powerful. It binds, challenges and reveals people to each other. Walking away after that can hurt, and you have every right to mourn. But real love isn’t gone forever, and happiness will return.

Love given is never wasted

In tandem with crappy breakups, there can sometimes be an inherent feeling that you somehow wasted your love by pouring it into something — or I guess, someone — that didn’t work out. I know I felt that way the first time.

But I’ve come to learn that any love we give is never a waste. It only brings us closer to growing and evolving it before we fall in love again.

Do it afraid 

Many of us don’t act on our crushes because we are afraid of the outcome. We are terrified of rejection, failure or breakups. That’s precisely why doing things afraid is so important — the rewards, in any case, always outweigh the risks. 

The power of words

Many relationships are grounded in attraction and physicality. But Ask Abby has taught me the importance of expressing our love through words — cards, handwritten letters, long text messages and even articles. You might not be the best writer, but don’t underestimate the power of articulating your love through words. 

Your friends might be some of your greatest loves

So many people in serious relationships forget about their friends — and don’t fool yourself, it happens to almost everyone. You can spend more time with a partner as you fall deeper in love with them, but never forget some of your first loves: your friends.

My friends have shown me the same love and support any partner could. They’ll always be a main priority in my life.

Love starts with you

To anyone who has loved — or hated — this column, here’s what I hope sticks: loving yourself deeply sets the tone for every other connection.

Love isn’t just about how much you give — it’s about knowing what you want and need. It’s recognizing the non-negotiables your heart has, even if you don’t always admit them.

Loving deeply, it turns out, is as much about paying attention to yourself as it is about anyone else.

My parting words

A therapist once told me something about relationships that will stick with me for as long as I live, and I want you all to carry it as well. You do not have to shrink yourself to be loved. Any kind of “love” that asks that of you just isn’t worth your time.

I’ve faced a lot of challenges relating to love over my time at BU. I’ve been in some interesting situations, questioned my self-worth more times than I can count and endured the greatest loss of all — losing my mom.

All of this to say, I know what it’s like to be scared of life and love. I, too, have worried about feeling something so deep and powerful and whether it will be ripped away, dissipated or never quite returned. Yes, certain situationships have made me shrink, but I’ve also found  ways to grow from them again.

Here’s the greatest thing I’ve learned: being alive feels a little less scary when I remember how much love I have to give — how much curiosity, kindness and care I can extend not just to others, but to myself.

Love isn’t always safe. It isn’t always tidy. It doesn’t always make sense. But it is always worth showing up for, because the act of giving love is how we grow, heal and keep moving forward.

So here’s what I leave you with, my readers: don’t be afraid to love fully, fiercely and without reservation. Your heart is braver than you think, and the world is better for the love you’re willing to put into it.

Yours Always, 

Ask Abby

Or simply, Analise

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