Let’s be honest, Love Actually is the best Christmas film ever. Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson and Colin Firth all in one place? Tick. Hugh Grant as the hottest prime minister imaginable? Tick. A special Christmas version of the Sugababes Too Lost in You with an even better key change playing at the climactic moment? Tick. It’s a cinematic masterpiece.

So in honour of the festive film, we’ve decided to rank every character (well, at least the ones we can remember). Buckle up, and prepare for some bona fide noughties nostalgia.

Harry (Alan Rickman)

Any man who makes Emma Thompson cry is an enemy of ours. He has an evil face and a bad taste in necklaces (aside from all the affair stuff). 

Mark (Andrew Lincoln)

His best friend literally just got married - wait at least a few months before you start trying to chirpse his wife. All the videoing of Keira Knightly is kind of stalkery too.

The President (Billy Bob Thornton)

SO smarmy and sexist, and would definitely be cancelled/hounded out of office if he were really president. Side note: Billy Bob has been married *six* times, including to Angelina Jolie. How?

Mia (Heike Makatsch)

Okay, so Mia's not to blame for Harry's infidelity. BUT she's hardly subtle, definitely conducts herself inappropriately in the workplace, and tries to seduce Harry even in front of his wife. And the bit where she goes all Basic Instinct is really awkward when you're watching with your family.

Aurelia's dad (Helder Costa)

The man is willing to give away his daughter to a random English guy he's never met before ('Sell? Who said sell? I'll pay him.) When his other daughter is alarmed by this, he tells her 'Shut up, Miss Dunkin' Donut 2003'. Which is kind of funny, but definitely not okay by 2024 standards. 

Karl (Rodrigo Santoro) 

So sorry Sarah's caring duties interrupted your hook-up, Karl. Accept you wouldn't know that, since you never asked her one question about her life. Men. 

Tony and Colin (Abdul Salis and Kris Marshall)

I'm putting these two together, as they both have terrible vibes but don't have enough personality to be ranked further down. Tony doesn't support his friend, but then again Colin is both delulu and really cringe. The one storyline I think could be completely removed with no detriment to the film. 

Juliet (Keira Knightly)

SUCH a pick-me girl ('I look quite pretty'). Also, if your husband's best friend has been borderline stalking you, why on earth run after and snog him when he finally confesses his feelings for you? Make it make sense.

Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor)

Pretty neutral good, and I feel sorry that both his wife and his best friend are keeping secrets from him. But he's also quite dim, especially if he thinks a recorded gospel tape with a full band is carol singers.

John and Judy (Martin Freeman and Joanna Page)

This pair meet while they're filming a sex scene, and are still perhaps the most normal couple in the movie. Cute together, but it's so awkward when she says 'All I want for Christmas, is you.' Cringeee.

Joanna (Olivia Olsen)

Her love story with Sam is adorable, and her performance of All I Want For Christmas Is You is such a slay. Emma Thompson's face says it all.

Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz)

Actually a very underrated character. Her relationship with Jamie is probably our favourite from the film (controversial, we know). And she makes that cute little joke at the airport about his friends being hotter than him.

Sarah (Laura Linney)

The most selfless character in the whole movie, and objectively an amazing sister. But still every single time we watch we're thinking: Sarah, for once, don't answer the phone!!!

Natalie (Martine McCutcheon)

So relatable when she keeps putting her foot in her mouth, and smiles despite constant jokes about her apparently fat legs, despite being so attractive she causes a geopolitical incident.

Sam (Thomas Brodie-Sangster)

Talentless on the drums, but takes being referred to as a 'motherless mongrel' in good spirits and is a real romantic at heart. When he calls Liam Neeson 'dad' we literally well up.

Rufus (Rowan Atkinson) 

Here's a confession: we don't find the really slow gift wrapping funny (although he does get points for causing Harry, our nemesis, stress). His placement here is for helping Sam sneak past the guards at Heathrow.

Billy Mack (Bill Nighy)

Owns being a washed up popstar and is mean about 'Ant or Dec', which is funny in our book. He also has good banter with Parky and he ditches Elton John's Christmas bash to hang out with his 'fat manager'. Heart-warming stuff.

Joe (Gregor Fisher)

Puts up with Billy Mack and comes up with the fab line about Elton John's party. Need we say more?

David (Hugh Grant)

This man blows up international politics so he can bag a girl. Kudos to that. We also like when he does his funny dance to Jump and when he talks about David Beckham's feet. If we ever had a prime minister this hot the news would be so much more fun. 

Aurelia's sister (Sophia Barros)

The unappreciated star of the film. Apparently loves Dunkin Donuts, raises a mob when she thinks her dad is trying to sell her sister, and tells Aurelia: 'Definitely go to England, girl. You'll meet Prince William and you can marry him instead.' We love a financially savvy queen.

Karen (Emma Thompson) 

Let down by the two men she's closest to: her cheating husband and her absentee brother. Constantly does herself down - like every stay at home mum - despite making a truly incredible octopus costume for the nativity. And is there a more heartbreaking scene ever than when she cries listening to Both Sides Now after realising Harry's cheating on her. 'You've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish too.' Sob.

Jamie (Colin Firth)

Raised the bar by learning Portugese and somehow finding out the address of a woman he'd known for a couple of months, and responsible for one of the cutest proposal scenes ever ('But sometimes things are so transparency they don't need evidential proof').

Daniel (Liam Neeson)

The champion of champions. Despite just losing his wife, Daniel is the best stepdad in the world. He helps Sam learn the drums because 'Ringo Starr married a Bond Girl', and he even makes chicken kebabs for dinner. No one has ever deserved to go out with Claudia Schiffer more.