Sophie Salmon, Staff Writer

This year, college admissions have turned deadly, and that’s no exaggeration. Everyday, seniors are being hunted down in school hallways with bows and arrows as waitlisted students hope to bump their names up on the list. Just when you thought the world was beginning to love each other again, boom, college competition takes over and death follows. In hopes of saving the lives of students, high schools have shut down for the time being.It seemed the only solution to the murder epidemic. Just last week, we interviewed Jameson Jenga Johnson, a high school senior in the midst of getting into college.

Johnson was always a bright and amiable student who never failed to make his peers laugh.

He would always lend a helping hand and was a social butterfly. It wasn’t until the end of junior year, right around when getting competitive about college, that his parents started to worry that he was developing… unusual tendencies. He wore all black and would spend all day in his room. 

“All I do in my room is watch Squid Game or play Fortnight. Why is everyone so suspicious?!?” Johnson said.

Well, after some research, it seems that Johnson has been trying to cheat the college system; seeing if he could get away with plagiarized essays and trying to get some “help” on his ACT. So yes, Johnson was determined, but a little bit too determined.

When we spoke with Johnson’s parents, it became clear that there have been signs of this disturbing behavior for months. They knew there was something wrong when he dropped all of his friends after reading an article that advised him to make everyone the enemy in order to get into college. He was taking this too seriously, and his peers feared they were next in line to get hurt.

“Well, he turned into a genuinely dark person, but we thought it was fine since it was all going toward a good cause, college,” Jameson’s mom said.

Senior year only got worse. When he saw a classmate filling out an application to a school he wanted to go to as well, he’d slip a little something “extra” into their cafeteria lunch, ensuring they wouldn’t take his highly coveted spot. It’s safe to say things got bad…real bad. Johnson was a horrible influence. Other students saw his success and followed in his footsteps. High school began to look like a zombie apocalypse and students started to brawl.

So students, be careful out there! People are dying left, right and sideways so make sure to protect yourself. What has college become?