Dufflyn Lammers provides one-to-one relationship coaching to women all over the world, runs in-person workshops internationally, and is a popular speaker in the recovery space. Her writing and performance on relationships has been featured in Russell Simmons Def Poetry on HBO, Business Insider, the Los Angeles Times, The Good Life Review, and the Santa Fe Writers Project.   Her first book, You Had Me At Bonjour: A Midlife Memoir of Romance and Reinvention, was published in June by Rise Literary, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, and launched at the Red Wheelbarrow bookstore in Paris. Dufflyn recently took the time to answer Janet Hulstrand’s questions about her life, her work, and her book for this exclusive interview in Bonjour Paris.   Dufflyn, you have had such an adventurous life! Let’s start with some of your most recent work, and work our way back. Your bio says that you are “The American Love Coach in Paris.” So first of all, what does that mean? What does your work as a love coach entail? Women come to me with one of three problems. 1. They are single and don’t want to be; 2. They are in a relationship and don’t know if they should stay or go; or 3. They are going through a breakup or divorce. I use coaching to help them stabilize and get on track to reach their goals, and then we do the deeper work.  You are also trained in attachment repair, tantra, and addiction treatment. How did you come to have these as your areas of professional expertise? And can you briefly describe what attachment repair and tantra involve? I am certified in Ideal Parent Figure Protocol, (IPF) a meditation intervention for attachment repair which I learned from Daniel P. Brown and David Elliot. This allows a person to have a permanent change in how they see themselves and how they see the world that deeply impacts not only their relationships, but everything about life.   Your adversity is your advice! I struggled for many years with various addictions. In my early recovery I felt distanced from my body and my sexuality. I did seven years of intense study of Neo Tantra with Dawn Cartwright in Los Angeles. It involved structured exercises around movement, breathing, and meditation in a safe group environment. I found Tantra helped me feel more embodied, more present and more empowered. There is a chapter in You Had Me At Bonjour where my partner Benjamin tells me I need to “perd” the fat around my thighs and “remonter” my butt. It was painful to hear. But I responded by leading him through a Tantra ritual that honors the body, one part at a time, which helped me let go of that hurt and showed him how I wanted to be treated.   As I got better myself, women were coming to me for help and I saw that many times the reasons they were relapsing with an addiction – be it food or substances or shopping – underneath that was the attachment wounding. It was coming up because those old hurts had been triggered. Many times they weren’t even aware that they were reacting from that place. The emotional dysregulation that resulted was overwhelming, and led the person back to their old way of coping.