To give some background, my husband has always identified as poly, whereas I had always identified as mono, until about 3 years ago, when I began to learn more about the lifestyle. He is a very very private person and has never wanted to share with me any details of anyone he's ever dated (even when I've asked to hear about them in support) and I don't ever ask him, since I figured that's just how he likes things. I only had 1 "rule" or boundary, which was that I was told when he had sex with someone else, due to health concerns.

Fast forward to tonight, we were asleep, and I got woken up by him coming over to my side of the bed and kissing my neck and fondling me a little. At first I was pleasantly surprised and thought we'd get a midnight quickie in. lol But then he started to talk, and mention things about "meeting up earlier," and calling me "my queen," which he hasn't done since we were dating 12 years ago. I was obviously thrown off and I asked him what he was talking about, and that's when I realized he was sleep talking. To my surprise, he kept going, and saying things like, "you feel good, just like earlier" and even mumbled a name I couldn't really make out.

I felt SUPER awkward at that point, bc I realized he thought I was someone else. I shook him until he woke up fully and asked him about what he was saying. He flipped the script on me, saying I was crazy, and he was working all day, and where do I get off accusing him of stuff? Etc., etc., got SUPER defensive.

I reassured him that having a gf wasn't an issue, it was that 1) idk why he feels the need to keep it secret, 2) I thought we agreed on letting each other know when things got physical, and 3) of course I felt super awkward and uncomfortable after that. I just wanted my feelings to be validated. He pretty much cut off the convo and went back to bed, which I get... he was tired.

But also I know if the tables had been flipped, he would've lost it.

How do I even go about this, moving forward?? I feel so awkward and betrayed in a way? I'm still trying to process. Any advice is appreciated! TIA