All kinds of experiences can leave someone feeling mentally and emotionally numb. Chronic stress at work, a broken or lonely relationship, or feeling like an outsider without much support can all leave a person emotionally exhausted. Eventually, shutting down may feel easier than dealing with one difficult emotion after another. They may stop reacting to things that once made them happy, excited, or even angry, because they simply don't have the energy anymore.

These struggles may sound straightforward on paper, but living through them can make someone feel completely helpless and disconnected from their own emotions. They might go through the motions each day without really knowing why everything feels so empty. Even the people closest to them may not realize anything is wrong. People who feel mentally and emotionally numb may not know how to ask for help, but the phrases they use can show that they're having a harder time than they're letting on.

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When you're passive and disengaged, chronic stress, inner turmoil, and emotional exhaustion can often be to blame. 

There's so much going on inside that having a strong opinion, arguing with someone, or even expressing emotions externally feels impossible. That's why emotionally numb people say "whatever" and "it doesn't matter to me" often, because they're always teetering on the edge of their breaking point.

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Disengaged, struggling people often stop responding to texts and phone calls. They start self-isolating and canceling plans at the last minute or never reaching out first. They make excuses because owning up to self-sabotaging only adds another struggle to their plate.

"I'm just busy" or "I'm too tired" might seem harmless on paper, but alongside all the other red flags that someone might be struggling, they're huge warning signs. 

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When someone's feeling helpless and emotionally numb, it's not just the bad emotions that are being suppressed. It's also the good ones. A 2022 study found that people who pushed down positive emotions had a harder time feeling joy and enjoying things they once loved.

That's why these people seem disconnected, even when they're doing things they used to love or spending time with people they call friends and family. The joy feels sucked out of their lives, because they aren't sure how to make space for their emotions without breaking down completely.

So, they're always saying "I don't have time for that" or "I'm not interested," because it's easier than admitting they're struggling to find their spark.

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When they can't hide from their emotions, or someone notices that they're struggling, someone clinging to numbness as a coping mechanism may dismiss and invalidate themselves. They say "it's not a big deal," because addressing the reality of their situation feels like it would tear their whole world apart.

Studies have found that pushing down emotions during stressful moments can actually make the body's stress response stronger. Even though it usually comes at the expense of their well-being and health in the long run, in the moment, it feels like their only option.

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When your nervous system is living in "flee" or "freeze" mode, it can make it a lot harder to actually cope with and acknowledge emotions in the present moment. Their gut reaction is to run or freeze, even if it's not in their best interest.

That's where "I don't know what to do" stems from. It's not a lack of emotional intelligence or laziness. It's truly a defense mechanism they've relied on over time for instant comfort and relief.

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Some people dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil inside comfort themselves by pushing through hardship and suppressing feelings, instead of dealing with them in the moment. It feels easier to assume things will instantly get better on a Friday night or after a rough patch, when in reality, it's in their hands to manage in any given moment.

They always say "I just need to get through the week" instead of being open and emotional, because that's all they have to justify suppressing and avoiding what's actually going on inside.

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Many numb people play into a happy facade or fake positivity, because it's easier than expressing how they really feel. Especially in group settings and social situations, they wear a mask that sometimes slips and reveals how they truly feel.

Whether it's a micro-expression, a wandering kind of eye contact, or zoning out when someone's talking, they're used to saying "I'm happy, why do you ask?" or "I'm really fine" when someone catches on. Fake smiles and excuses are second nature, because it's a defense mechanism for what they're struggling with inside. 

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Chronic stress and emotional suppression can shut down your ability to acknowledge and manage complex feelings. The more you stay in a burnout system, suppressing and fighting emotions, the more intense they begin to feel, especially when they bubble up unexpectedly.

That's why someone who's reached the defensive state of emotional numbness often says "I don't know how to feel." They can't bring up or acknowledge one emotion, because it feels like the floodgates open, so they suppress everything at their own expense. It offers immediate relief, but in the long run, it only creates more stress and turmoil.

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On top of feeling uncomfortable with their own big feelings and being unsure of how to express them, someone who's emotionally numb may also take a step back when someone else is being vulnerable. If they're around someone who's crying or being confronted for something, a phrase like "I don't want to talk about this" is quite common.

Sometimes, it's the trigger of big emotions that brings all of theirs to the surface. It's rarely personal, but a defense mechanism they haven't yet figured out how to unwind.

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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.