What a blabbermouth! Off with her head! The actress Su Pollard has broken the circle of trust upon meeting a royal and now? Well, all hell has broken loose. It has been revealed by the Hi-de-Hi alumnus that when she met the Princess of Wales backstage at the Royal Variety Performance earlier this month, she brazenly made a very personal comment, viz: 'I like your hair, it looks a lot lighter,' Su commented. Catherine replied: 'It used to be brown, but it's gone light in the sunshine.' Cue much guffawing and incredulity on social media.

'Umm, love Princess Kate, but that didn't come from the sun. And she's also wearing extensions,' one commenter wrote. 'There's no way on God's green earth the "sunshine" did that to her very dark tresses,' wrote another. I imagine as soon as Catherine opened her mouth to reply she knew the comments, should her response be made public, would come thick and fast. But we've all been surprised by an inappropriate question – 'Are you on the [Ozempic] pen?' or 'When's it due?'; the cheekiest I've faced was from a man I'd never met before who asked, 'Have you had anything tightened down below?' – and so we blurt out the first thing that comes into our head.

Catherine would have perhaps not wanted to go into naming her hairdresser or the shade on the box. She might not have wanted to dampen a lovely evening with talk about how cancer can change your hair texture and colour. And so she replied with something bland and innocuous but, of course, these days proves to be anything but. Kate should of course have replied with a simple thank you, followed by a smile before gracefully moving on. But even a dignified silence these days can spark accusations of 'she's so snooty!' and 'who on earth does she think she is?'. The late Queen Elizabeth's mantra was, of course, never complain, never explain. It's unimaginable the late Queen would have faced probing comments about her appearance – but if she had, she would have given her quizzer the death stare.

Unfortunately for Kate, she is now the most famous woman in the world in the age of social media: every aspect of her appearance is pulled apart by online vivisectionists. She attempted to quell what she saw as a distraction from her work by no longer disclosing details of her clothes, but of course unless she wears a burqa we can still take potshots at her make-up, discuss whether a choppy bob would suit her better (why are older women always told to cut our hair?) or debate whether she has had veneers and on and on. For the rest of her life. Because there is no age at which a woman's looks are no longer a crop to beat us with.

Most faced with her level of criticism would never leave the house but, unfortunately, appearing in public, photographed from every angle, is her job. Her first official appearance after treatment – Trooping the Colour in 2024 – was greeted by offensive comments along the lines of 'nobody looks ten years younger having had chemo', while fellow sufferers remarked, 'I'm clearly not doing cancer right'.

Kate was dealing with not only a potentially life-threatening disease, but being a mother to her three young children as well as her role as a public figure, and still her hair, face and figure are deemed fair game. Kate, you are a powerful female figurehead: you need to stop justifying your choices: to do so only gives oxygen to the trolls. Diana opened the floodgates when she spoke of bulimia, depression and self-harm – but that was before social media. I doubt she'd have withstood the lack of empathy.

It might seem trivial, being criticised for your hair, but for most women our hair is our armour. We sometimes hide behind it, flaunt it, flick it, dye it, try out something new. The thought of losing our hair – through chemo, the menopause, stress – is our worst nightmare. Accusing Kate of fibbing about her new, buttery and I think deeply flattering shade is misogynistic and cruel. In fact, she's proof you can become extraordinary through sheer force of will.

Kate, the simple truth is you don't owe us an explanation. The most important sovereignty is the one over your own body. Don't let anyone dull your shine.