Because 3D printing is for charlatans

Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

Say you’ve sprung for a Steam Machine, and are pondering how to put a personal mark on your new black cube. Upgrading the internals? Bit of a faff, it turns out. Playing with the lighting strip? Maybe, but it’s blue by default, and research has shown that blue is already the best colour. No, aquamarine only came fifth.

That front faceplate, though, is ripe for replacement, and there are already certain retailers and craftspeople who’ll happily charge you to cover your Steam Machine in acrylic flowers. Or make it look like a GameCube attending the Wii U’s funeral. However, this first wave of third-party covers appears to span anywhere between 15 and 40 quid, an unpleasant aftershock to the economic blow of the Machine itself. Luckily, more affordable faceplates are possible, as I shall now demonstrate with a selection of cheap household items, a small pack of craft magnets, and some off-brand superglue.

Why not... a paper plate? Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

Literally a plate, optionally given a face. This humble piece of barbeque-spec dinnerware presents endless possibilities for further customisation through the addition of a pen (not included), and conveniently folds at the bottom, maintaining airflow and allowing access to the front I/O.

Why not... seaweed? Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

Nori sheets are widely available and can be cut to fit, serving as a visually subtler alternative to the rounded plate. That said, the gentle sheen and wafery texture of dried seaweed does provide a certain sense of gastronomic class to your video games box. Testing also confirms that you can play Doom: The Dark Ages without making the room smell like ocean, provided that the sheet had not previously been wrapped around a 6-inch-wide piece of salmon.

Why not... unwanted tote bags? Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

Play games for long enough and you will, eventually, be in a situation where someone is thrusting a merch bag into your hands, and everyone around them will hate you if you decline. In my experience, these tat packages usually end up in a bin, gifted to a willing loved one, or in the case of the Genshin Impact swag I was handed at Gamescom 2024, simply left in a corner for a lucky anime girl enthusiast to enjoy. Apply some scissors to the inevitable tote carrier, though, and it finally becomes useful: a permanent, PC-mounted expression of your brand loyalty. Or at least a partial chunk of it, anyway.

(Apologies, Remedy. Game still looks good.)

Why not... a car learner plate? Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

Hey, everyone is a learner at some point. The L itself delivers a pop of colour to this otherwise monochrome option, and if you’re uncomfortable with the connotations of inexperience, here are some cooler substitute titles:

• Legend
• Leader
• Luminary
• Laureate
• Lusciously haired
• King Morgott, Last of all Kings

Why not... a discarded popcorn bag? Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

Take revenge on your parent company’s newly enforced RTO policy by raiding the office kitchen, eating only half a bag of popcorn at most, then sticking it onto a small computer for content. Pros: colourful, includes food, can be replaced with crisp packets or a larger bag of Mini Cheddars, and could be considered a form of recycling. Cons: literally garbage.

Rock Paper Shotgun has no commercial relationship to Proper or their corn. Other prepackaged snacks are available, and let’s be honest you can make popcorn in a saucepan for, like, nothing

Why not... a piece of paper with the expired Steam Machine review embargo printed on it? Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun

The first step in turning something into a faceplate is to realise that it no longer has power over you.